The thoughts of Liz...

I guess it's just timing and the other half just luck. I guess its just about being at the right place at the right time. But I'm not sure what's next. How do you know when you meet someone, that they will become important? And so I stand here contemplating my plans for the summer and whether you'll be involved in them or not. But the truth is I am not in love with you, and I'm not sure if I ever will be. Only god knows my plan. Yet I have some say in it, I choose to be righteous, and to be of good faith. I choose eternal life. What do you choose? I am not certain. Your plans for the future I have not learned of, and the things of your past I will never know. What I do know is that, I am seeking someone. But I am not certain, that this someone is you. I appreciate your company, yes I do. The fact that I haven't had a connection with someone from the opposite sex in over the past 6 months was growing on me. So you were there as my comforter. Because everyone, whether they've denied it or not, know that they long for someone too.  But you and I are very different. Not only is age a key playing factor but our personalities are too. I go back to the laws of my being, to the guidelines of my existance, and to the rules that I've set up for myself. I no longer wish to love or let go, but to live and be happy. I've seen it before too, it's either friends before lovers or foes after what was called being "in love." And so I choose a regretless summer filled with friends and friendships, and a whole lot of me. An entire period of time dedictated to fitness, and my bucket list of course. I choose to make friends and spend time with family. I choose to not say goodbye when you leave, and have the feelings of hopelessness stuck in my chest. I choose to seek god and to seek him more than anything. I also choose some change. Some scriptures and what it truly means to be a Mormon. I choose to join the Marching band at FAU and to quit Ross after this summer. I choose to not live on campus and save myself some money. I choose a lot of things yes. But I do not choose you. I do not cast you away, no. I cast away regret and the feelings of making the wrong decision. I choose to grab ahold of my feelings and the emptyness that I've felt from having no one and choose to not let them turn into anything more than that. I choose a great summer and a great decision. I choose a whole lot more things too. I will be posting my bucket list soon...
and so building up a wall of feelings for someone isn't on my list. I've met someone of my faith... that is true, and although it is certaintly the first time, it most definitely won't be the last. I will get to know you more, yes. And we might spend some time together. But, I've come to believe that you won't be my first MBF. I chose wisely and I didn't choose you.